The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
