So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
