Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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