so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
