i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
