alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Randomize
