you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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