what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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