Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
