I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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