this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
