I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
