ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
