Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
