Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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