the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
