I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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