his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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