cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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