i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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