Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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