Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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