She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
