Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
