Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
