At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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