I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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