Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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