Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Randomize
