Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
