I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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