I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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