mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
