We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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