just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
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