Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
