My Higher Power is John Stamos
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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