I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
