You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
