i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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