I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
How does one acquire holy water?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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