im about as happy as oj after his trial
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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