i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
