Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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