I puked a lego.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
