Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
