I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
