She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
