drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
