just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
