Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
