And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
