I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
