so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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